Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
