i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
