apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
