Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
