His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize