Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
