I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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