the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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