for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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