ugly people sure do ruin things
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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