If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
