your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
