my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
