so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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