I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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