wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
