my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize