just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
