Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
