Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
