I could have mohawked her pubes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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