The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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