Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
