I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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