To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
