Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
