Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
