Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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