I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
