tell your sister to shave her snatch
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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