Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
