im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
