I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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