if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
