I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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