I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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