so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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