We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
