I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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