I just pynch a tree in the face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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