Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
