So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
