Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
