We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
