Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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