I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
