well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
