It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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