He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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