She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
