It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
