So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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