No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
