I am puke
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
