Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
