just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
