When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this will be a night to untag.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
