And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
