i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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