i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
